![]() So, here is what you do: Imagine the absolute worst response you might get. Do that quickly and consistently and you will be amazed at what you will learn.Īt this point, you are probably thinking, “That sounds great, but what do you do when the person coughing responds? Cries? Yells? Shuts down? Starts coughing on me right then?” The thing that typically causes the most anxiety when preparing for a crucial conversation is not thinking about what we will say, it is thinking about what the other person will say. The surest way to demonstrate good intent and your commitment to hearing the other person’s perspective is to close your mouth. If needed, prompt with a question like, “Can we talk about this?” Remember, this is dialogue. ![]() “My guess is you aren’t even aware of this, which is why I thought I would bring it up.”Īnd then, just five sentences into the dialogue, stop. ” You don’t need to go to extremes to open up this dialogue, and doing that will likely provoke even more defensiveness.Ĭreate additional safety by demonstrating you haven’t judged your coworker. The tendency will be to use absolute language like, “you always cough. Sometimes I have even felt the cough.”īe careful here. “I noticed you coughed several times without covering your mouth. Then, be specific without being accusatory. It’s been so nice working with you these past few days/weeks and I am looking forward to continuing that. “I wanted to chat with you about something. What should your friend actually say? First, start with a positive statement of intent that builds directly on what we have just discussed. Okay, so enough with the back-patting congratulations. Or has it? Have you been holding a grudge all this time?” Either way, your friend is significantly better off addressing this early, before emotions escalate. If you are the one coughing, it is easy to think, “Why didn’t she say something about this before? I am so embarrassed, I could die of shame!” Or, along different yet equally predictable lines, “Gee! What’s the big deal? It’s never bothered you before. Why is this so important? Not only does it keep the problem from festering, which will almost inevitably erode any good intent she might have, it also creates more defensiveness in the other person. Next, she is facing this issue while her office mate is still new. So, your friend has taken this crucial first step she has withheld judgment and has a positive intent. I’d become defensive too if I thought someone was out to judge and criticize me. Of course they become defensive! They can sense our judgment. Then, after judging the person in our hearts, we are astonished when they become defensive. “What bad manners she has!” and “How rude and inconsiderate of her!”) We consciously or subconsciously bring this to our dialogue, often through our non-verbal actions. ![]() We quickly jump to conclusions about others (e.g. So often it is our intent that gets in the way of holding effective crucial conversations. Second, she is addressing this quickly, while the coworker is still “new.” Allow me to explain why these two things are worthy of congratulations.įirst, she has positive intent. First, your friend recognizes the need to have a positive working relationship with her office mate. Is there a good way to approach this situation?Ĭongratulations to your friend! She has already done two incredibly important things right. My friend sometimes feels the cough on her face and it has become extremely difficult to work next to her. This new office mate is very nice and she would like to have a good relationship with her, however the young woman continuously coughs without covering her mouth. They face each other and the cubes are very low. She has a new coworker who sits on the other side of her cube. ![]() We’re excited to announce that Emily Hoffman, a Senior Master Trainer as well as VitalSmarts’ VP of Development & Delivery, will become a regular contributor to the Crucial Skills Newsletter.Ī friend of mine works in a small office. ![]()
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